I don't know about the rest of you but my mother has the uncanny ability to say just a few words, or a sentence, and bring me right back to childhood (not in a good way either).
Well the latest was just before we were getting ready to go to her house for the July 4th week. She calls me and asks when I am coming. We had just gotten off the phone two days prior talking about when I was coming and what I was bringing. So I told her we were coming Thursday night just like we had talked about. She says oh really? I am going out to dinner with your cousin on Friday night to a really nice place so you can go to a hamburger joint. I almost threw up! Back to childhood feelings of not feeling wanted. How does she do that so easily?
Well the upshot was, after phoning a friend, calming down, I called my mother. I explained my feelings and how hurt I was at not being wanted. (remember I am an only child, did you forget that?) Her take on the conversation was that she didn't want me to spend a lot of money and thought she was saving me. I patiently explained that I am in charge of my own money and will spend it the way I want to spend it.
Well it felt really good to get it out in the open and clear things up. The week went well after that and the dinner was great.
I still don't know how to not revert back to childhood pangs, but at least I am getting stronger in sticking up for myself and explaining my feelings. I have taken one more step in growing.
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Good for you Meg! Glad you got it off your chest, things were better and your week went well!
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad you explained yourself and she explained herself...communication always helps and can't hurt I think!
ReplyDeleteMeg, you are light years ahead of where I was with my mom. I feel like whether I tried to explain nicely or not she wouldn't listen, so after a while I stopped trying the rational approach. At least your mom seems to have listened, I think?
ReplyDeleteI had a psychology professor once who said the we internalize our parents' voices - that we hear the things they say to us and that after they are gone, we say to ourselves the things they used to say TO us. Isn't that interesting? I know it's not really related here, but your post made me think of it. :-)
I won't repeat my comments here so I just wanted to say I'm so glad I have someone who knows what I go through/have been through with my Mother in you!
ReplyDeleteMy mom can still do this to me as well. Unfortunately she has decided to make it her personal mission to remind me how much weight I gained with my first pregnancy... and discuss it ad nauseum right now during my second pregnancy. If I ever have a daughter I will not do that to her!!!
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